Judges! your decision please.

Made it ……just.

Midday tomorrow is the closing date for sealed bids for the old Clyde Street Centre. The good folks at Graham & Sibbald will be pacing the carpets in Newton Place; eagerly awaiting the surprises that the Postie, the hairy biker or indeed the internet brings them (do we still use Telex?). And we can guarantee that amongst the offers will be one from Helensburgh Heroes.

Our solicitor is primed and ready. The offer letter has been penned and the detailed proposals have been produced. We now have to sit tight and wait for the Argyll & Bute Council ‘Beauty Parade’ to commence.

As you may be aware the Council is under no obligation to accept any offer or price for the property, and can withdraw the site from the market, if it genuinely believes that it would not be in the best interests of the community to dispose of the property. It will assess all of the offers against a range of criteria, ranging from risk, ability to pay, timescales to develop, community benefit etc, designed to deliver ‘Best Value’, and then presumably select one or none.

Whilst this is a very laudable and sensible method, I did think it would be far more fun if the Council could arrange a ‘Strictly Come Clyde Street’ competition.

All the interested parties would have to sit in one of the old classrooms and learn a new subject each week. Week one could be algebra, week 2 Latin, week 3 the recorder, week 4 bake a Victoria Sponge and so on and at the end of each show, the residents of G84 would telephone vote off the most useless and inept.

The winner would receive the keys to the Clyde Street Centre and a yearlong publishing deal with the Helensburgh Advertiser.

It may not deliver the perfect solution for the community but at least you’d know the owner of the Clyde Street Centre could simultaneously recite Auden in French, play keepy uppy, pinpoint Bridgetown on a map whilst sketching a bowl of fruit.

Now where’s Mr Cowell’s mobile number……